


Between Once and Future

by Raynebowe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Pendragon Returns, Arthur-centric, Avalon - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Freylin, Gen, Immortal Merlin, Magic, Memory Loss, Not really sure yet, Once and Future King, POV Arthur, Paralysis, Post-Season/Series 05, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, emrys - Freeform, eventually anyway, might be a bit before that, probably right at the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5139071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynebowe/pseuds/Raynebowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Known in legend as the Once and Future King, Arthur Pendragon has already experienced life. No longer King of Camelot, he is left alone, in sleep, to wait for his reawakening at the time when Albion's need is greatest.</p><p>Or is he?</p><p>For Arthur, what comes between death and life? What happens in the depths of Avalon as time creeps ever further away from his past and slides slowly towards his return?</p><p>What happens between Once and Future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Passing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StarlightInHerEyes22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightInHerEyes22/gifts).



> Hello! This is going to be my first multi-chapter fic! I'm aiming to get each chapter at around 500 words because I think that's long enough for something to actually happen and short enough that I'll actually write it and post it. I've always wanted to write a long story and I have attempted it several times but I never finish. If something takes too long to write I become less inspired to write it and it ends up either finished but not up to the standard I'd want it to be or abandoned, which is why I'm splitting this up into 500 words chunks. I'm not going to have an update schedule or anything because I've tried that before and it just does not work for me, so don't expect regular updates.  
> I think this will be more of a series of chronological short stories. They won't necessarily all be set exactly one after the other but they'll (probably) all be in the right order. I kind of have a vague plan of where I want this story to go floating around in my head and I will eventually write it down and get it sorted out but for now I have literally _no_ idea how long this will be so I'm not even gonna guess. I will update tags and warnings etc. as it becomes necessary.  
>  I've gifted this fic to StarlightInHerEyes22 because all of the _amazing_ Merlin fics that Starlight's written are basically what motivated me to actually get off my arse and write something.  
>  Now, after that long author's note, I'm finally shutting up.

 

#  Part 1: Passing

 

**1\. When He Wakes**

**2\. Until Now In Darkness**

**3\. Time and Place**

**4\. Freedom of Movement**

**5\. Unseen Obstacles**

**6\. Thoughts and Dreams**

**7\. Not So Alone**

**8\. The Golden Fish Trail**

**9\. Revelations**

**10\. Save the Last for the Future**

**11\. The Years That Have Passed**

 


	2. One

** When He Wakes **

∞

There is darkness, when he wakes. Darkness and silence and numbness. He has no sense of self except for his consciousness and that is it, nothing more, nothing less.

He is left there like that, alone, for such a long amount of time that he can no longer tell if he woke up only seconds ago or if it was years ago in an era long since passed. The seconds (or is it weeks? months? decades?) tick by and he does nothing because that is all he can do. He is an incorporeal consciousness, bodiless and immaterial and he's not even sure if he's real at all or if he's just someone's made-up dream.

He has no memories except for what he is now, unchanging and constant and nothing, _nothing_ at all and he would be terrified that this is all he would ever be except he has never known any different. Or maybe he has and he just can't remember. He has formed no new memories since waking up as his present is exactly the same as his past and it is not a memory if it is still happening.

But then-

Something happens. Something happens, something that has not happened before in all of living history (he is the only one here, he's the only one living, he's the only one that there is history _for_. But is he even alive?) and he realises that maybe, _maybe_ he is not as immaterial as he first thought because-

Because-

He heard something. It was muffled and he is not even sure that he actually heard it in the first place but suddenly he is aware that he now has the sense of hearing. He is no longer left with nothing at all because there was a _sound_ and regardless of whether or not it actually happened, he is not alone. At least, not alone with only his consciousness for company.

Then he thinks - is it actually dark? Does he actually have the sense of sight? Surely it is possible that this is not darkness but just the absence of sight, just as it wasn't actually silent before - he just lacked the ability to hear anything and so assumed that there was nothing to hear. Maybe, just maybe, he _is_ alive and maybe he's not incorporeal or immaterial or bodiless. Maybe he has a body but it just doesn't work? Surely you'd need _ears_ to hear anything, so if he did hear something then he must have ears to hear it with.

He is just wondering how to test this theory when another new thing happens - the numbness starts to recede. He can feel a tingling and he understands, then, that he wasn't actually numb - it was just the absence of feeling, of touch. Even as he thinks this he can feel other senses coming to life, senses that he didn't even know he had until he didn't and then did again. It is _wonderful_ \- incredible and beautiful and he didn't even realise that he was missing it until he got it back and for the first time since he woke up, he feels an emotion - happiness. Happiness and joy and elation and he doesn't remember feeling this way before but he must've done because he recognises them and just _knows_ that they are not new.

And, as he gains full control of his body, finally, he opens his eyes. He looks up and then further still, to above him because there is light and the light must be coming from somewhere so he peers upwards, higher and higher and higher-

And _sees_

__

∞


	3. Two

** Until Now In Darkness **

∞

The light moves.

It twists and turns and shifts and flows, and to him it is dazzling. Although many others may not find it anything special, to him, who has been existing up to this point in darkness, it is the most wondrous thing he can imagine. It stretches down, far, far down, in rays of glittering gold and he wants nothing more than to reach up and touch them.

But he cannot. He can't even move.

Although to begin with he struggled with his limbs and his body, trying to force them to manoeuvre themselves into a different position or if not that then at least allow him to turn more fully towards the light, he soon gave up. He is stuck - he can't move at all, not even a twitch. He's able move his eyes and eyelids without difficulty but anything more than that is beyond him. He cannot see to the sides any further than what is visible to him in this position. It pained him at first that he couldn't even attempt to feel the warmth of the light on his skin but he eventually learned to content himself with just watching from a distance.

It is above him. The rays of light tower down from the top of the sky (is that the sky?) and ripple and glide their way across it. He notices that they are not, perhaps, pure gold, but are slightly tinted green. It is not an _ugly_ green per say, but it is not a particularly... beautiful one either. It is slightly murky, like old, damp moss or algae. The colour is not constant - sometimes it is paler, sometimes it is deeper, sometimes it is brighter or more faded. Sometimes it dims or turns slightly grey or goes silver instead of gold and sometimes it disappears completely and he is left staring upwards at nothing and it is dark again and he feels more alone then than he did before he gained his senses because before he didn't know any better but now he does.

He stares at it for a long time, unmoving and immobile. He is paralysed because his muscles don't remember how to work yet and he suspects that the only reason he was able to open his eyes in the first place was through sheer force of will. He didn't want to be left in the darkness anymore so he rectified that by _looking_ , by seeing, by searching for light, and he found it but now he wants _more_. He wants to reach it and touch it and caress it because it is his only friend and he doesn't even know what it feels like.

So he tries again. He spends what surely must be many hours pushing and pulling and straining to move. He first tries to move his arms and legs and when that doesn't work he tries to move his head and when _that_ doesn't work he tries to just move a hand. Then a finger. And then when he can't actually _move_ the finger he decides to try and jerk it, to just make it _do_ something, anything at all.

But he can't.

He tries and tries and tries. He tries to do it slowly. He tries to do it quickly. He tries to force it and then he tries relaxing to see if that changes his position at all. It doesn't. It doesn't because he is already relaxed and even if he weren't he doesn't think he would be able to loosen his muscles enough to let them relax. He doesn't even care about touching the light anymore; he just wants to _move_. But he can't and eventually, reluctantly he concedes defeat and gives up. There is nothing he can do and he is alone again because light is not a person or a living thing and it may be better than darkness, but it is not _enough_.

It is not enough and he is on his own again with only his thoughts for company.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is what happened: earlier today I started writing out my plan for this story. I seperated it up all nice and neatly and and planned what would be going on in each chapter. Then I wrote this and I literally spent the entire chapter talking about light. So I added a bit more to it and then I realised that the word count was at like 700 words and I thought I should cut it down a bit and save the extra bit for the next chapter. So I did that but I had to rewrite the ending so it made sense to end it there and it's still ended up at nearly 700 words anyway so I'm changing what I said about having around 500 words in each chapter to having 500 words _minimum_.  
>  As you can see I've put an estimated total number of chapters. That is the amount that's in my plan but I've already accidentally added another chapter so I'm telling you now that that is definitely going to change. It will almost certainly go up. I can already tell that this story is going to be a lot longer than I thought it would be.  
> Thank you to everyone who's given me kudos so far! If you see any mistakes please tell me because I don't have anyone to check it for me and I'm unlikely to spot any that I haven't already. Also tell me if I'm using too many commas or in the wrong places because it annoys me when other people do that and I kind of feel like I'm doing it too.  
> I don't think having long author's notes will become a habit either. Hopefully.


	4. Three

** Time and Place **

∞

Eventually he grows bored.

He has calmed down and is no longer feeling sorry for himself and after a while of doing nothing he grows bored. He's become used to having his senses and even though he still finds the light very pretty, when it is all you have to look at for days on end it stops being so fascinating. He would still like to reach it and feel it, and he's not suddenly uninterested in it anymore but it doesn't consume his thoughts like it did before and he stops thinking about how nice it looks and starts thinking about other things.

He decides to go through each of his senses, beginning with sight. The light is the only thing he of interest he can see so he starts there. Observing it, he realises that the time between the colour changes is quite consistent. There is gold light for a certain number of hours and then it starts to dim and changes to another fiery colour that reminds him of sunset. After this the light continues to fade until it either disappears completely or turns silver. It stays like this for another amount of hours before slowly turning gold again and brightening. It is fairly obvious to him that this is the cycle of day and night.

Sometimes, during the day, the light will dim even if it is not time yet for night to arrive. He assumes that this is when there's cloud cover. Although he originally thought that the light _was_ the sky it didn't take him long to notice that it actually wasn't when he properly thought about it. Even though he doesn't have a specific memory of looking at the sky, he knows that that is not what it looks like. It is too finite for one thing and too flat for another.

He decides that he must be _inside_ something or if not that then at least under something. He thinks of all the things that he knows of that are big enough for someone to be inside them and the only thing that he can think of that looks even remotely like this is a lake or the sea. It would make sense - the light is just the sunlight or the moonlight streaming through the water. He considers it a little more before settling on a lake. The water is too stagnant for him to be in the ocean.

After he's deduced all he can from looking, he moves on to feeling. He closes his eyes and concentrates on what he can sense. 

He is wearing some kind of cloth against his skin, but he quickly dismisses that as that's not what's interesting. On top of the cloth, he's wrapped in something heavy, like metal. Armour. He opens his eyes and if he strains a little he can see his shoulder. It's covered in silver that gleams softly in the faint light and confirms that he is, in fact, wearing armour. He wonders where is came from.

After that he thinks about what else he can feel. The armour makes it hard to tell what the floor of the lake is made of but he can feel it on the back of his head. It is soft and sandy and he realises that sand is what is probably is. He is in a lake after all. 

Next he thinks about the water but finds that he can't feel it at all. He can't feel the temperature, or the wetness or anything about it and this intrigues him for about two seconds before he has another thought-

How can he breathe?

He's been under here for weeks, if not months, and even if he couldn't actually feel anything for the first part, he still would've needed to breathe, right?

Wrong apparently.

Even now, he's not breathing. He's not inhaling or exhaling and he's wondering how that's possible. He pauses and thinks about this for a while before he realises - breathing requires using his muscles. He's not a doctor (at least he doesn't think he is. You never know, he might've been one before he ended up here) but he at least knows that breathing requires muscles, even if he doesn't know which ones. It seems that _none_ of his muscles are working, not just the ones in his limbs. So how can he move his eyes then? He's not sure. He ponders this a little before another thought occurs - the heart is a muscle. If none of his other muscles are working, then what about his heart? He tries to listen for his heartbeat and when he can't hear it he tries to _feel_ for it but there's nothing to feel. He has no heartbeat. He's not breathing, his heart's not beating and he really shouldn't be alive. 

Maybe he's not. 

Maybe he has died and this is the afterlife. If so, then it's a rather crappy afterlife. He's stuck at the bottom of a lake paralysed and unable remember anything from when he was alive and he's _bored_ and he wants to do something apart from stare at the light and think. If only he could _move_.

As he thinks this, he jerks his arm. It does exactly what he wanted it to.

It moves.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too sure about this chapter, especially the ending. Please tell me what you think of it!


	5. Four

** Freedom of Movement **

∞

He pauses. And stares.

"What?"

It is the first thing he's said since he woke up, and not for lack of trying. The muscles of his jaw wouldn't move and neither would his tongue nor any part of his body that was required for speech. Aside from the fact that he didn't actually make any noise since he's underwater and you can't actually speak underwater, he managed to move all the body parts _necessary_ for speaking and that is more than he's managed to do since as long as he can remember, except for moving his arm a few seconds ago.

" _What?_ "

He says it out loud again just because he can, because he can _move_ and it is the best thing that's happened to him since he opened his eyes the first time. He also waves his arm around a bit and, when that works, he waves his other arm and then his legs and then he stops because although it feels _amazing_ it also makes him feel a bit stupid. He smiles (he can _smile_ now) and tries to sit up and-

He can't.

The high that he was on for the last minute or two comes crashing down and he is left thinking that even though he is finally able to move, he will never _go_ anywhere. He will stay here flailing around like an idiot, alone _still_ , for the rest of his existence and that will be the end of it.

It is devastating.

He feels like crying. It's so _frustrating_ being here like this, never knowing who he is or where he came from or why he's here and he just wants to be able to _move_ , to go somewhere and find someone and maybe not feel so _lonely_. He hits the ground with his fist and feels so _angry_. He tries again to sit up, his actions more forceful and his movements sharper and-

He actually manages it this time.

Suddenly he feels really, really stupid, even stupider than he did before.

There's a moment where all other thoughts go quiet, except for _oh_ and then he starts laughing. It sounds weird because he can feel it vibrating around his skull and in his ears but he can't hear it in the area surrounding him. He is an _idiot_ , a complete and utter _imbecile _. Of _course_ he couldn't sit up straight away - he's just been still for months and his body isn't quite used to moving yet.__

__It feels good to laugh. It cheers him up after that dip in what had otherwise been a brilliant few minutes. He feels what can only be described as ecstatic - he is finally, _finally_ free from the prison of paralysis that he had been stuck in up till now. He is free to move and free to explore, liberated from immobility and able now to go wherever he wishes._ _

__As soon as he's calmed down enough, he observes his surroundings. There's not much to see - just the sandy lake bed stretching, uninterrupted, for as far as sight allows. The murky water blocks his view of the area after a certain distance - even though he can't _feel_ the water, he can still see it._ _

__He pushes himself up and stands. He's a little wobbly on his feet, but that soon passes and he turns in a full circle, trying to tell if there anything he can see at all except for what he's already observed. There's not. He considers this for a while before shrugging and choosing a random direction._ _

__He takes a step forwards and heads towards the Future._ _

____

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending of this chapter kinda feels a bit rushed to me but I'm not really sure what I can do about it without rewriting the whole ending.
> 
> plz tell me what you think - i love getting comments. it tells me that people are reading and enjoying my story and makes me very happy


	6. Five

** Unseen Obstacles **

∞

It is hard for him to walk. He's weighed down by the armour, he finds it difficult to balance and he can't go very far without having to stop and take a rest. It doesn't take long for his legs to start aching and even less time afterwards for the rest of his body to hurt, but he doesn't mind. It's a new yet familiar experience and he loves it, even when he eventually collapses from exhaustion.

He looks around himself. He can't have walked that far but already the environment looks different. There are rocks and plants that sway in the water and some small fish that dart around and away from him. There's more colour here - the green of the seaweed, the blues and yellows and purples of the fish, even the rocks are streaked with greyish reds and oranges. He stares at the flora for a little while. It seems odd, the way it moves, because he can't feel the water that's causing it to swirl and bend. It's clearly there - the fish proves that - so why is he unaware of it? Why can't he sense the water? He can see it, of course, but that's all. He doesn't understand. How is this possible?

He rolls over and stares upwards. It's vaguely reminiscent of the position he was formerly stuck in but now he's flat on his back as opposed to the half on his back, half on his side way he was in before. He looks at the light and thinks that it's still as beautiful as it used to be. He pauses to study it for a while, just watching it rippling and changing. It's the yellowish colour of sunlight right now which means it's daytime above surface and he wonders what it must be like up there. Are there fields? Animals? Trees? People? He knows what these words mean and he knows what a field looks like but he doesn't remember any specific fields or animals or trees or people. He remembers nothing of who he was before he came here but he's fairly sure that he _was_ someone before. How else would he know what the sky or a sheep looks like? He's had no chance to see them down here and he doubts he ever will, unless he leaves the lake, which seems impossible right now.

He briefly considers trying to _swim_ out of here but soon dismisses it. The water has no affect on him and he doesn't think he'd be able to swim even if he tried. It also looks like a lot of effort trying to swim that far up and he doesn't have the energy or strength to do that yet. He'll just have to walk his way out.

He rests for several hours until his muscles stop aching before getting up and continuing. The further he goes, the more plants there are and he thinks that he's probably walking towards the centre of the lake rather than the edge. He gives a mental shrug. It's not like he needs to leave the lake _now_ , just some time in the future. Preferably. He doesn't think he wants to be trapped down here forever.

It starts to get dark as the sunlight fades and he finds it difficult to see. This wasn't a problem when he was paralysed because there was nothing _to_ see, so it didn't really matter if he could or not, but now it's really irritating. If it gets too dark he'll have to stop walking which will be annoying because he's had enough of lying in one place when he would much rather be moving. He's just thinking about what he'll do when he has to stop when something unexpected happens.

He bumps, quite literally, into an invisible barrier.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da na na naaaa! New chapter. The title for this one made laugh a lot because of that last sentence even if it's not really that funny.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's kudos'd and commented so far! I love getting comments so even if it's literally just 'I liked this chapter' (or less than that, if you wanted) then that's fine.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. Six

** Thoughts and Dreams **

∞

"Ow." Is his immediate reaction. Then he looks up to try and determine what, exactly, he bumped into.

There's nothing there. Literally.

He tentatively reaches a hand out but can't feel anything. It's an empty space - just thin air (or water, as it might be. He can't tell either way). When he goes to take a step forward, however, he immediately hits it again. It's a curious feeling as he can't actually _see_ the whatever-it-is that's in his way but he knows it's there because he felt it. He reaches out again and nothing stops him but when he tries to actually move past the point that it's at, it prevents him. He eventually gives up on trying to go through it and instead tries to find the end so he can go around it. He turns to his right and continues walking, occasionally attempting a step to the side just to check it's still there.

He doesn't get very far before he has to stop. It's too dark to really see anything now and although he hasn't encountered anything obviously dangerous, he could add a yet to the end of that sentence and that's reason enough for him to stop where he is. Aside from that, he's worn out from all the moving that he's done today and he doesn't think he could've gone much further anyway. His earlier displeasure for staying still has since disappeared and he lowers himself to the lake bed and leans his back against the invisible wall behind him.

Well, he tries to anyway.

It works for the first second or two but then the pressure from the barrier disappears and he falls through onto the sand. There's a moment of panic where he doesn't know what's happening but he recovers when he hits the ground and it's replaced with pain when his shoulders hit the floor before his head and cause his neck to do something funny. It hurts. A lot.

He reaches a hand up to the base of his skull to massage the area where the ache was coming from, but it disappears before he can. He touches it anyway to see if that will bring it back and when it doesn't he struggles upward so he can sit normally. He pokes then whacks the back of his head but all that does is cause a momentary discomfort before that fades away too. It's odd, but he decides not to question it. The injury probably isn't as bad as it felt if the pain went away that quickly.

He considers how he actually managed to hurt himself in the first place. Why did he fall? He tries leaning back against the surface again and the same thing happens. It holds his weight for a second or two before disappearing and he ends up flat on his back again. He frowns. Why does it start by holding him up but disappear almost immediately afterwards? Why not let him lean against it. Why appear in the first place?

Maybe he's asking the wrong questions. Maybe he should be asking why it's there at all.

Why is there a wall that is sometimes there and sometimes not? Why is it invisible? _How_ is it invisible? No, scratch that, how is it even possible at all? How can someone make a barrier that no one can see and can hold your weight one second and disappear the next? It doesn't make sense.

He lets out a breath that he wasn't aware he'd taken in and puts his arm over his eyes. Thinking about this makes his brain hurt. It should be impossible. It just doesn't compute. He doesn't _understand_. It shouldn't exist and the fact that it does confuses him to no end.

◃Maybe I should sleep on it.▹

It's a good idea. He decides to leave the invisible wall for the morning. He sits up and crawls away so he's not lying half through it before curling on his side and leans his head on his arm. It's become almost impossible to see within the few minutes since he's stopped - it's a lightless night.

He watches some small glowing fish swim around for a while before closes his eyes.

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! Next chapter! Bit of a longer wait for this one - I've had quite a lot to do lately so I didn't have as much chance to write. Honestly, this thing with the invisible wall wasn't supposed to happen according to the plan that I made but I've already binned that plan. I'll just keep my ideas in my head and see where it goes from here.
> 
> I've also started watching Torchwood! I was looking through the works of one of my favourite authors and they had a Merlin fanfic that I hadn't seen before so I read it. It was a crossover with Torchwood and they've got a TON of Torchwood works and I decided that if I wanted to read the rest of them I had to go watch the show. So I am. It's good so far.
> 
> It's been a while since I watched the Dr Who episodes with Captain Jack Harkness in them but I vaguely remember what happened which makes it even more interesting because I know stuff the characters don't know and I can't wait for them to find out.
> 
> ANYWAY, I told you all this because this may or may not have been another reason why I haven't updated this story this past week.
> 
> In case you were wondering, the author I was referring to was blackkat. She's got loads of works from a ton of fandoms so there might be something there that you'll like.
> 
> Thank you for reading ^-^


	8. Seven

** Not So Alone **

∞

He can't sleep.

It's not just a problem of not being tired or not feeling like sleeping, it's that it's literally impossible for him to sleep. Not once since he became self aware has he lost consciousness. He's only realised it now that he's actually stopped and thought about it and it's added another question to the long list of questions that he has.

Why?

He is no closer to answering that question then he is to answering any others.

Although sleeping on the problem of the invisible wall was a good idea, he clearly can't do that. He decides to do the next best thing and find out as much about it as he can. That means experimenting. He gets up and walks over to it before reaching out to touch it. It doesn't appear. He steps further forward to try again and that's when it decides to materialise and give him another injury that stops hurting just as quickly as the previous one.

He rubs his nose and scowls. Just because it doesn't hurt it doesn't mean it's not extremely annoying. He goes to kick the wall, but, of course, it doesn't appear and he's left stumbling forward until it _does_ appear. Right in his face.

Freaking ow. Again.

He sighs and takes a step back, rubbing a hand across his face. This isn't going to get him anywhere. He pauses and thinks for a while before deciding to change tactics. Perhaps more speed will persuade the wall to let him past. He takes a few steps back and starts running at the wall, faster and faster until-

It appears speed does _not_ mean the wall will let him past.

He picks himself up off the floor, growls, and tries again, slower this time. He repeats this several times, each with the same result - the wall appears, he can't get beyond the point it forms at and is left to do it all over again. He continues this for a while then, when he decides that the same thing will probably happen no matter how fast or slow he goes, he carefully steps forward, arms outreached, until he feels its physical presence push against his fingertips. He takes another half step and stops. 

Then he punches it.

Except he doesn't because the wall remains, to his surprise, stubbornly not there and he flails a little before repeating the action more carefully. This time it connects. He does this over and over, again at different speeds, and the wall appears every time unless he tries to just punch it without thinking too hard about where it is or if he's reaching out but not trying to touch the wall.

He thinks he gets how it works now.

After this, he heads towards some small rocks that he can barely see in the dim light and picks one up. He comes back to the wall and chucks the rock at it. He can't really see it, but he _thinks_ the rock went past it. He frowns, puzzled, then goes and chucks another rock at it. It also goes past and by now he's confused.

From what he's figured out, the wall only appears if you're trying to touch it or trying to move past it. It doesn't appear if you're not trying to touch it.

◃So why can the rock go past it?▹

He considers this. Every time _he's_ tried to get past it, doesn't let him. But the rock-

Duh.

The rock wasn't _trying_ to get past. The rock wasn't trying to do anything. It's a rock. It can't try to do anything because it doesn't have a brain to decide to do anything with. He sighs.

◃What an idiot.▹

He thinks, then he freezes because-

Somebody giggled.

He whips around, eyes squinting as he tries to see through the veil of darkness that's long since fallen, but all he can see are the little glowing fish that he noticed earlier darting from place to place.

"Who's there?" He asks, but of course, no sound comes out. He's tense, muscles clenched and ready to defend himself, and he hears a sigh.

◃ _Oops. Well, you know I'm here now._ ▹

"Where are you?"

◃ _Everywhere._ ▹

"What-"

◃ _Don't bother. I can hear your thoughts so there's no point in speaking. And as for your question, well, I am all around you. I am the lake._ ▹

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! New chapter! Sorry for the wait.
> 
> What I said about having no update schedule - I've changed my mind. I'll try to update every Sunday (minimum). If I don't update by Tuesday feel free to poke me with some comments. In fact, please do. It helps a lot with motivating me to write.
> 
> Now - can you guess who's turned up? Arthur's finally got some company! The story _should_ start to progress a little faster now and all this stuff about the wall and sleeping and why it took him so long to be able to move will be explained soon.


	9. Eight

** The Golden Fish Trail **

∞

He opens his mouth to reply but nothing comes out so he closes it again.

◃You can hear what I'm thinking?▹

_◃Yes.▹_

◃But--who--what--how?!▹

She laughs again and he can hear a smile in her voice as she replies.

_◃Magic.▹_

He frowns and pauses.

◃Magic? What's that?▹

_◃You'll find out soon enough. Now, I suppose you'd like to be somewhere slightly more comfortable? And I guess you have questions, too. This way then.▹_

◃Wait! What--▹

But her presence has already disappeared. He wasn't aware of it until she left so he assumes that she was there from the very beginning or at least since he regained his senses.

He notices that the small glowing fish he's observed before are starting to line up. He assumes that this is what she meant when she told him which way to go. He briefly considers just ignoring her but decides that doing what she says is probably best - she knows what's going on, he doesn't. And besides, he really _would_ like to be somewhere comfortable. Or at least brighter. Or less exposed.

So he follows the trail of golden fish.

It twists and turns, left and right, up and down and he very soon has to stop. He's still not very strong yet and aside from the fact that he hasn't had any rest since earlier, he's also been running into invisible 'magic' walls, whatever that means. Even if his mind can't be tired out, his body can. Nonetheless, he continues for as long as he can before staggering to a halt and slumping to the ground. He leans against a rock and looks up towards the surface of the lake. It's still dark but he thinks it will get light soon. Unfortunately he doesn't think it will be one of those dawns that sends fiery reds and golds creeping across the light - for it to have been this dark it must have been a moonless and likely cloudy night which leads to a pale, grey dawn and isn't as interesting to watch. The Light is still beautiful, regardless of it's colour, however, and he's looking forward to seeing it again.

He rests there with his eyes closed for two or three hours and when he opens them again it's a lot easier to see. The trail of golden fish is still there, even if they don't glow as brightly as they did in the near pitch darkness of night, but when he looks back the way he came he notices that the fish have dispersed and the trail is gone. He supposes it make sense. He can't expect the fish to just stay there if they don't need to.

He looks around him. The amount of greenery has increased a lot from where he was before and the amount of different types of fish have grown too. There's a lot more variation in size, from the smallest which is about the size of his thumb to the largest which is easily as long as his forearm. There's so many more colours, too - reds and oranges, yellows and plenty of greens from the plants, deep blues and rich purples and pale pinks and shimmering silvers. He can even see some small patches of coral which is odd because he didn't think you could get coral in lakes.

Shrugging, he gets up and stretches. He looks up at the Light which has started to ripple across the water before continuing along the trail he doesn't actually need to go that far, maybe half an hour's walk, before he rounds a large bolder and stops. In front of him is a cave. In the cave is furniture. On a piece of furniture is a woman. She turns around.

◃Who..?▹

_◃Took you long enough. The answer to your question is that although my actual name is the Lady of the Lake, it's terribly long winded and way too posh and I prefer the name Freya because I was called that first anyway.▹_

It's the woman who spoke (thought?) to him earlier.

_◃I know you have a lot of questions but we'll have to get to them later. Most of them have the same answer anyway. Magic.▹_

◃What is magic?▹

_◃I could tell you but I think it's easier to show you. But first, welcome to the cave.▹_

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter on schedule! So nothing has really been explained yet but it will be. Soon. If not next chapter then the one after. And after that some interesting stuff will happen.
> 
> Also - please tell me what you think of Freya. I know she probably totally OOC but it's been literally years since I watched the episode with her in and she's been dead for thousands of years now anyway so she doesn't really have to fit with the canon version of her. I'm not sure if I like how she is though. She sounds kinda like an old woman to me and even if that's what she technically is, I don't want her to sound like one.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments so far! Feel free to comment - I love getting them and it tells me people are reading and enjoying my story and makes me very happy.


	10. Nine

** Revelations **

∞

The cave is a comfortable size - not too big and not too small. There is a bed in the back right corner and a chest stacked on a large wooden set of draws in the other. In front of that there is a table pushed against the wall. There's a chair on each side of the table and on top of it, leaning against the side of the cave, is a gold-framed mirror. At the foot of the bed is another, larger chest with a lamp attached to the wall above it. The blanket on the bed is a pattern made up of shades of blue, green, purple and white and at the entrance of the cave there are strips of fabric in the same colours hanging down from the roof.

He frowns at the lamp. They're underwater so it can't be lit with fire. He steps fully into the cave and looks at it more closely. There's a bright glowing ball of light hovering in the middle, seemingly unsupported.

He turns to Freya.

◃How does this work?▹

She smiles.

_◃Magic.▹_

He sighs.

◃Of course it is. I don't know why I even bother asking. Why did you bring me here?▹

_◃Now, now, don't be like that. I'll answer your questions soon. Probably. If you behave. And I brought you here because this is my home, or at least the closest thing to a house I have. This body you see standing before you is who I was before I died and became the lake. I'm only inhabiting it now so you actually know who you're supposed to be speaking to.▹_

◃You...died?▹

She smiles again, eyes closed and head tipped to the side.

_◃So did you.▹_

◃I--what?▹

He stutters, and stares at her, eyes wide with shock.

◃I died? What do you mean? How did I die?▹

_◃I mean exactly what I said. You died and then you came here. And now you're awake again.▹_

◃But...how?▹

This time when she smiles it is a wide grin and he knows what she is going to say before she even says it.

_◃Magic.▹_

◃Alright, so if it seems impossible or if I can't understand it, it's magic.▹

_◃Yes.▹_

◃Okay. So magic is the impossible.▹

Her grin stretches even wider.

_◃Well clearly it's not because if it was impossible it wouldn't be real.▹_

◃Can you just tell me what magic is?▹

_◃Yes I can.▹_

There is a moment of silence.

◃Go on then.▹

_◃Go on what?▹_

◃Tell me what magic is.▹

_◃Ask nicely and maybe I will.▹_

He glares at her.

◃I've already asked!▹

_◃No, you asked me if I was able to tell you what magic is, not if I would.▹_

◃Okay then, _will_ you tell me what magic is?▹

She raises her eyebrows at him and he grits his teeth.

◃ _Please_ ▹

_◃Well done, you successfully asked me a correct question. Here, have an answer: yes, I will.▹_

There is another pause.

◃Get on with it then.▹

_◃You didn't ask me to tell you now.▹_

◃Really? Seriously? Is this necessary? Just tell me what it is!▹

She smirks at him and he glares right back.

_◃Magic is a form of energy. It is a part of everything, from the smallest rock to the biggest dragon. Those who have the ability to harness it can do just about anything they wish as long as they have enough magic around them and know how to do it. Of course, there are some other things to be taken into consideration like the size of a person's channel and stuff like that.▹_

◃A channel?▹

_◃Yes. Nearly everyone has one. Imagine it like a hole in a wall with water trying to get through it. How much magic you're able to use at once depends on the size of the hole. For some people, it's so small that barely even a trickle of water can get through. For someone who can use magic, the hole would be big enough for a steady stream of water. For someone very good at magic there would be enough space for a river and for the extremely powerful the gap would be large enough to cause a flood. By practicing magic you wear away at the edges of the hole and make it bigger. There's only one person who doesn't have a channel and that's because he doesn't have a wall in the first place. He has literally no limits on how much magic he can use.▹_

◃Huh. Who is that?▹

_◃My husband.▹_

◃You're married?▹

_◃Yes.▹_

◃How does that work? You're a lake! And you're dead.▹

_◃Well he's magic incarnate and immortal so it works out quite well. He can't die and leave me behind and I can just go and see him in this form if it's necessary. Most of the time it's not though. He normally just comes and sits by me and we talk telepathically.▹_

◃Is that what we're doing?▹

_◃Yup.▹_

◃So I'm already using magic. Could I do that before I died?▹

She lets out a snort of laughter. It is not happy.

_◃I can't tell you. Listen, sit down and ask any questions you want. I'll answer as many as I can. I've a feeling this is going to take a while.▹_

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this is a day late. I was out all day yesterday and when I got back I was way too tired to do any writing.
> 
> The ending's not the best, I know, but this chapter was stretching out and I really wanted to post it today. I might go back and fix it at some point when I'm less tired because it is ten past midnight for me so you'll have to forgive any mistakes.
> 
> Right. Sleeping now.


	11. Ten

** Save the Last for the Future **

∞

He's already standing by the bed so he sits on it as Freya steps further into the cave. It is surprisingly soft and he imagines that it would be very comfortable to sleep on. He wonders, for a second, how it's dry in a cave full of water but then he realises that the cave doesn't actually have any water in it. He's about to ask about it when she cuts him off.

_◃Before we start, I'm going to limit you to twenty questions so choose wisely. I may not be able to answer them all either. There is only so much I can tell you right now.▹_

◃Why?▹

_◃Because it would defeat the purpose of you being here. Nineteen questions.▹_

◃Wait, that wasn't meant to be one. Can we start again?▹

_◃No. Eighteen questions.▹_

◃That wasn't meant to be one either! We need to start again.▹

_◃We don't _need _to do anything. You have seventeen questions left.▹___

◃That wasn't even a question! You can't just randomly take questions away. We're starting again.▹

_◃That sounded like a request to boss me around. Sixteen questions left and the answer is no, no bossing at me or to me. You're wasting your questions here._ Think _before you speak.▹_

He is annoyed now and is about to announce this fact in the form of a scathing remark when she cuts him off again.

_◃That won't get you anywhere. If your next question isn't a good one then I'll reduce the number to five questions.▹_

He glares at her but she just raises her eyebrows pointedly. He huffs a breath but actually does as she says and takes a moment to decide what to ask.

◃I have a lot of questions. Where do I start?▹

She smiles.

_◃That's better. Start at the beginning. You have fifteen questions to ask whatever you want.▹_

He pauses and considers what to ask first. He really does have a lot of questions and condensing it into just fifteen will be very hard. He decides to take her advice and start at the beginning with one of the most important ones.

◃Why couldn't I see or hear or feel anything when I first became conscious?▹

She bites her lip and gives him an apologetic glance.

_◃Ah. That's my fault. Sorry. It took me a while to realise you'd woken up so I didn't unseal your body until a few days after you came back. When you died your soul left your body and waited in Avalon with the other spirits of legend. I couldn't let your body degrade or otherwise you'd have nothing to come back to and I couldn't just leave it alive and empty in case some other spirit chose to possess it. I made sure nothing could get into it by using a special seal but unfortunately this also meant that you were locked out. You managed to get back after I unsealed it.▹_

◃Why couldn't I move when I first woke up?▹

_◃I put a binding on it just in case someone somehow managed to get past the seal. Even if they did possess your body they wouldn't be able to go anywhere. It only released once you got in there but it took a while for you to fully integrate and for the binding to recognize that it was you.▹_

◃Why could I move my eyes?▹

_◃Bindings don't work on eyes. If I wanted to stop you from being able to move your eyes I would've had to use a Disanimation spell which is a lot more complicated, uses a lot more energy to cast and is an active spell which means I would have to constantly feed it energy to keep it working.▹_

He takes a moment to think about this. There seems to be a lot to magic that he doesn't know about and considering what it can do he thinks it would be a good idea to learn. He reminds himself to ask Freya about it later.

◃Why can't I remember anything?▹

_◃That would defeat the purpose of you being here.▹_

◃Why _am_ I here?▹

She smiles. It is tricky and clever and sharp yet also sad and wise and _ancient_ and he wonders for the first time just how old she is. Her stare seems more focused and he realises that he hasn't seen her blink.

_◃To learn.▹_

◃What do-- no, wait.▹

He takes a breath. He doesn't want to waste any questions and asking what she means would surely be doing just that. If she was going to tell him any more she would've already done so without making him use another question. He has ten left. He'll ask later if he has any spare at the end.

◃How did I die?▹

_◃I can't tell you that.▹_

◃Okay then, where does this armour come from?▹

_◃You were wearing it when you came here. I can't tell you any more about it than that▹_

She doesn't seem to be able to tell him anything about before his death, including what caused it. If he wants to learn about who he was before all this he'll clearly have to do it another way.

◃Why can't I sleep?▹

_◃Because memories often slip through into dreams and you have earn the right to your memories before you can have them.▹_

This angers him. They're his memories, why should he have to _earn_ the right to them? He very nearly says just this but he realises that this would probably count as one of his questions. Now is not the time to be annoyed about it.

◃Why doesn't the water affect me?▹

_◃Well it would be a bit rubbish if you couldn't get anywhere because of it. There's several spells on you to make it easier for you down here.▹_

◃I suppose that's why I can see through it so clearly?▹

_◃Yes.▹_

That was all the really important questions he had. There are five left - he briefly considers asking if he can save them for later but she might say no and that would just be a waste of question so be decides to ask about the invisible magic wall that was so annoying earlier instead. He'll be able to find out if what he's guessed about it is correct.

◃How does that invisible wall work?▹

_◃It's a barrier, which is another branch of magic. The only way to get past it is if you're not actually trying to get past it.▹_

It doesn't really make much sense but it kinda sounds like what he'd figured out about it so he decides to just go with it.

◃When I leant against it the wall held my weight for a few seconds but then disappeared. Why?▹

Freya is silent and for a second he doesn't think she's going to reply. Then, suddenly, she bursts out laughing.

_◃Oh my gosh, well done, Em, well done. That is hilarious. Or maybe it's not and I only think that because I'm a lake and I'm old.▹_

He stares at her in confusion. She continues laughing for a few seconds before she notices him looking and coughs.

_◃Ahem. Sorry. It does that because someone's messing with you and clearly doesn't want you to be comfortable.▹_

◃That sounds very worrying.▹

She coughs again.

_◃It's not. Don't--don't worry about it.▹_

He frowns and decides it's probably time to move on before he becomes even more confused.

◃Okaaay... how many questions do I have left?▹

_◃Three. Well, two now since that one counts.▹_

◃Wait, what?▹

_◃You have one question left.▹_

◃I appear to have lost a question or two without realising.▹

_◃I told you before. Think before you speak. This is your final question so you should consider it very carefully. I'll give you a bit of advice, and this doesn't just apply to asking questions. Save your last for the future - everything else can be for the past or the present but if you don't save at least one for the future then you won't have anything left for when you reach it.▹_

He blinks. This suddenly became very serious.

◃What-▹

  
_◃_ Think. _▹_  


She's right. He should make one hundred percent certain that there's nothing important left to ask. He goes through what he's already asked and what he'd like to ask and there really is nothing. So what does she mean? He repeats her advice in his head and he suddenly knows what to ask.

◃What do I do now?▹

She smiles, and it is another sharp one, but it is also sly and dark and slightly dangerous.

_◃That's my favourite of all the questions you asked so far. What you do now... it's up to you. You can do whatever you want.▹_

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back! Sorry this is three days late. I took the Sunday after Christmas off because I was extremely busy with family and visits and other stuff and I've been really tired recently which is why this chapter took so long. I literally fell asleep half way through writing it at one point. It's my longest chapter yet at well over 1000 words so hopefully that makes up for the lateness.
> 
> The magical mechanics - it has been ages since I last watched Merlin, not since the last episode came out, and as much as I would love to I don't own the DVDs, I don't so I don't really have any way to watch it. This means that I don't have any way to check how magic works in Merlin so I'm going to make it up myself. I'm studying Latin right now so I'm really tempted to just do it all in that but I won't because a) that would be too Harry Potter and b) it doesn't fit with the show. All the spells and stuff are going to have to be wordless or I just won't right what the actual incantation is but the names of the spells or different types of magic will all be in English.
> 
> Also - I bet you can guess who Em is!
> 
>  
> 
> I am probably going to look back at this chapter when I'm less tired and see so many mistakes and will wonder wtfm I was doing


	12. Eleven

** The Years That Have Passed **

∞

Whatever he wants.

He gives her a suspicious look.

◃What does that mean?▹

_◃Honestly, there's no need to be so suspicious. It means exactly what it sounds like ▹_

◃So I can do whatever I want? No catch?▹

_◃Yes. No catch.▹_

Whatever he wants. What _does_ he want? The answer comes easily - to know who he is. He wants his memories back. His head feels empty, like a giant storage room with only one sack of grain in it when there should be hundreds. He only has the memories he's made since waking up but he _feels_ the ones he's missing. He knows what they're like by the hole they've left behind.

◃I want to regain my memories.▹

_◃Okay. We'll do that then.▹_

◃We?▹

_◃Well you don't expect to get them back yourself, do you?▹_

◃I hadn't thought about it.▹

She raises an eyebrow.

_◃Clearly. Come on then, we might as well start now. We've got nothing better to do.▹_

◃What're we doing?▹

_◃I'm teaching you magic.▹_

◃Why? Can't you just... spell them back?▹

She gives him a disapproving look.

  
_◃Don't be lazy. Didn't I tell you you have to_ earn _them back? You're going to learn how to do it yourself.▹_  


◃How long will that take?▹

_◃No idea. I can't tell you that until I see how fast you can pick it up. I think you'll have at least some magical talent considering how close your destiny is to magic but I have no idea how much. And I've never taught anyone before.▹_

◃What? Never?▹

_◃Nope. I didn't learn it when I was alive and, well, I'm a lake now. You don't usually come to a lake for training in the use of magic.▹_

◃How will you teach me?▹

_◃How people used to be taught. My husband never had to learn like them as he was born with the ability but he's taught a lot of people. He can give me the knowledge on how to do it.▹_

This seems strange to him. Up until know, Freya has seemed all-knowing. The thought that there's something she _doesn't_ know and has to ask for help with changes the way he sees her.

_◃Of course,▹_

She continues,

_◃It's been a thousand years or so since he's had to do it, but his memory is very good.▹_

◃ _A thousand years?_ ▹

_◃Yes.▹_

She says sadly.

_◃The surface has changed a lot since our time.▹_

◃Our time? How long has it been since then?▹

_◃One and a half thousand years, or thereabouts. Your died less than a decade after me. I think it was about seven or eight years.▹_

◃And... you've been alive all this time?▹

She smiles ruefully.

_◃I'm not really alive, but I know what you mean. Yes. I have. The beginning's a bit hazy - I didn't actually become the lake until around the time of your death. Before that I was in Avalon and only came out every so often when destiny called.▹_

This staggers him. He's been dead for one and half _thousand years_ and she's been conscious for most of them. Although he can't remember what life was like when he was alive, he can still remember the shape of it. He wonders how much it's changed.

◃Wait, you said your husband hasn't had teach anyone in a thousand years. Why not?▹

_◃Those who knew magic were becoming less and less common. Even in our time they were rare, what with-▹_

She cuts herself off.

_◃Anyway, the Normans invaded and by that time there were probably only ten or so actual magicians around, my husband not included, and the Norman rule distracted those who had any interest in learning. It just... died out. There was a period of time when he considered trying to start teaching again but then they started killing people for it even if they weren't actually using it and that hit a little too close to home with him so he changed his mind. Nowadays, people don't even believe in it.▹_

◃Oh. That seems a little... sad.▹

_◃I suppose it is. But times change, they always have, and the age of magic is coming back soon anyway.▹_

◃How do you know?▹

_◃You're here.▹_

◃Me? What've I got to do with anything.▹

She sighs.

_◃It doesn't matter now. You'll learn soon enough. Anyway, we're off topic. Time to teach you magic.▹_

∞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Arthur's learnt a little about the surface and we've learnt that Freya (and Merlin) have been around for ages (although we already knew that but whatever).
> 
> I'm raising the minimum wordcount for each chapter to 600 words as well. I'll probably make them longer as I write more.
> 
> I've been listening to this a lot recently - it's a mashup of Stay With Me by Sam Smith and See You Again by Wiz Khalifa. I thought I'd post the link because a) it sounds amazing and b) the two songs remind me of Arthur and Merlin a bit, especially See You Again.  
> http://youtu.be/7Hp6Ogdm83c


End file.
